I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
