so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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