OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
