im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
