I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
