I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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