Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
