The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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