Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
