I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
