The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
