remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
