it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
