32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
