Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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