and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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