K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
