Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
