You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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