We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
