you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize