508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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