How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
