he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
