Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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