I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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