Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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