So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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