Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
