He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
