the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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