thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
