Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
