I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
