I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
