Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
