she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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