The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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