Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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