Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
