I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please come you make the beer taste better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize