i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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