dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
