I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
