Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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