Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
