I wanna bring you to show and tell
420 ftw
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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