Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How does one acquire holy water?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
