Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
