So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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