All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
