her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
