Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
