he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
