I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
jump out the window naked night went bad
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