I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
