It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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