well he's currently spooning the coffee table
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
