You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize