you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
