I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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