last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
