So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize