what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
