I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
