I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
