Duck Duck Cougar?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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