So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
