WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
